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Army
uses surplus Soviet and US weaponry to hold the first annual surplus
weapons of mass destruction carnival! Games such as hunt the Afghan, pin the mortar shell on Usama, and Iraqi civilian blowout will be among the festivities. “We’ve been waiting a long time to do this,” said Secretary of Defense Don Rumsfeld “What did you think we were spending all that money since the 80’s for, to bolster our defenses? Heck no! Who needs one more 2 billion dollar jet, com'on guys its time to party.” And there isn’t a better time to do it. With the morale of the average citizen slowly declining America needs more of what this country was built on; Destruction, Destruction and Alcohol. And what better place to combine the two than the Weapons of Mass Destruction Carnival! In fact, as a temporary measure President Bush has decided to lower the drinking age to non-existent. “Let the little kippers hit the bottle for once, its Christmas!” yelled President Bush, intoxicated and wearing his party hat. Some question Bush’s motives as a means to legally allow his nieces to get intoxicated…and then have sex with them. However the American public doesn't seem to mind. At the carnival, to be hosted in the Desert of Afghanistan, Bush is letting loose some 25 medium to long-range nukes. Enough to blow up the earth 5 times. However there is no need to fret, they’re only landing on one city, Baghdad. These Nukes will be enough to plunge the entire Mid-East into nuclear winter for the next 2500 years. What a Grande Finale! “This is great” said exited American Ted Nugent “Last time I expected to have this much fun was when I went to china and killed all the pandas.” When Nugent was told there were still 1000 pandas left in china he immediately excused himself, mumbled something about his gun and ran off to board a plane. We could not complete the rest of the interview. With so many left over stores of ammunition since the beginning of the cold what better way is there to let out our fears in one Giant mushroom cloud bonanza? The Weapons of Mass Destruction Carnival will be held on Christmas day in Afghanistan if weather permits. “All necessary precautions against terrorism will be in place, but no worries those Pakis will be dead as soon as the festivities start.” Said Homeland Security Tsar Tom Ridge. With so many assortments of destruction, and so many breweries this Carnival of Destruction will be one of many to come.Danny Schwartz |
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