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Crossing Guards: Children’s safety gods or Grumpy old people Recently I have nearly been assaulted by the Lincoln elementary School crossing guard. You may have seen him, he is old and grumpy. I was walking towards my car and decided to cross the street at the designated intersection to save the un-suspecting commuters enormous legal troubles and legal fees that would amount to personal and financial ruin for running over my teenage body. Needless to say, I felt pretty good about myself and my position in the universe. So I say hello to the crossing guard who says hello, and says just a moment, he walks out and maybe a bit way out I begin to follow him into the intersection. Hearing my foot steps with his Korean-War-trained ears, he turns and yells furiously “What do you think you’re doing, are you crazy.” I’m sorry sir the fact that all traffic has been stopped, doesn’t give me the right to cross the street. What does he think this is, Nam. No unlike Nam this is the cross walk, there are rules. A group of Vietnamese guerillas are not going to ambush me because the almighty cross guard did not reach the middle of the cross walk. However I must say that I respect his post. He is protecting America’s youth so they can be sure to inherit this over populated, diseased and polluted world. However he could be just a bit more pleasant. Like the Kennedy crossing-guard, sure he’s half mentally challenged but he’s an all around nice guy. I have no beef with the crossing-guard, if you are reading this crossing-guard-man please don’t hurt me with the stores of ammunition that you brought back from Korea.Danny Schwartz
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