Triviality of Statistics

Mandatory Diversity

America has suffered a bludgoning the likes of which this generation has not experianced for at least a week and a half. this attack left a gaping open wound on the inferior ventrical, medial to the aeorta.

The infamous and anonymous Mr. Galli, has once again plowed humanity against the wall and fucked it in the ass. in his signature style, mr galli has created unnecisary resentment for a situation which could potentially better our person and expand our being. "Guys were not playing today but instead are going to go to both asembalies of diversity day because they are both different," said a willy, facist galli. though the quote seems at first to be a rightous reason to expand our education, the reality is quite different. Mr. Galli, in hopes of not teaching us jack shit, has decided to deliver us to two different but equally painful "diversity" assemblies. fearing for both our mental health and physical well being, chief escape corrospondant danny schwartz and assistand escape semi secretary mumah kudafi (aka tom maimon) attempted a dangerous, daring and religiously rightous escape. running for our lives (although at a sub moderate pace) we had almost reached the swedish border around the corner of the saint-helen-gaious-whatever-our-auditorium-is-called when the nazi-esque galli stopped us in our tracks using non lethel but extremely homosexual tactics. our heads hung, and with very masculine tears in our eyes, we marched, dissapointed, back towards boredom and redicule. an annonymus third party (aaron parrish) had a laugh at our expense. at this point we would like to note that aaron will die any combination of miserable and alone.

My daring partner and I called in a 399909228384747 (downed air craft in a swiss circus) being not familiar with american paramilitary code, and consequently our death march was un-intercepeted by American Coalition forces who had a great time at the swiss circus. "It was fucking awesome," reports sargent major major john.

once arrived at the cleverly disguised death camp, we were greated by deafing music (which my coligue and i are convinced involved slaughtering any number of inocent swans) and funny dancing which challanged our ignorant white beliefs you damn inferior.....uh...inferiors.

all jokes aside, a mandatory diversity assembly creates nothing but resentment and disrespect for the various chinese cultures exhibited. any opportunity for exposure to a different way of acting and thinking was quelled by our not-wanting-to-be-there-ness.

a parallel can be drawn between this situation and our various excursions into jazz class. the common factor? well...us. but we cant possibly be to blame. it was old man witaker! in the attic with a knife.

We are reporting now,from a secret bunker in tom maimons house. We are frightened and can depend only on our wits and several fully loaded sawed-off shotguns...and...and.. a tank, yeah thats right a fuckin tank, what are u gonna do about it ?! bitch.

this article was a cleverly disjointed effort between daniel schwartz and tom maimon.