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The Triviality of Statistics This article is going to be about the subject of statistics and how stupid statistics is because, well, statistics is just a stupid subject. In fact, 75% of statistics are made up and 50% of statistics are FALSE. That’s right, it’s a statistically proven fact. I just got “done” with a scavenger hunt. Now, most people hear scavenger hunt and they get excited. They say, “oh, this will be fun!” Oh they only say that to their own demise. Scavenger hunts are the devil unless you’re making someone else do it for you. Seeking data is like rubbing bird shit off the top of your new car, it’s tiresome, you do it because you have to, and it makes you wish there was a better way or someone else to do it for you. “Scavenging” for data is like eating a really bad cookie, it tastes like crap. Somehow I don’t find the educational value in learning statistics at all. In the beginning of the class I decided that this class will be easy since statistics are the fuzzy math, like nothing is really founded and it’s all philosophical. That was true, but now I realize that due to the fact that statistics has no real educational value the only way to make us “earn” our grades is to force us to do busy work. Pugnacious detail picking from esoteric sources that can only be found if you have access to the state’s power grid. What the hell do I care about the Body Mass Index of all the Miss America Pageant winners since 1921. That’s right, the first Miss America Pageant was in 1921 and the winner was 16 years old. Talk about accomplishment… slut. The institution of “busy work” was invented a long time ago by some fascist like Hitler to keep people in line and make sure they don’t think too much. It has now become such an inveterate part of society that people believe that sitting around in a cubicle crunching the same numbers over and over again will perpetuate our human existence into a new age. Bull shit, the only way we’re going to actually accomplish anything is through the use of new methods and faster methods. Isn’t the silicon revolution proof of this? Computers are basically oversized calculators. I was working on some C++ code the other night and I realized that all computers do is play with lots and lots of numbers really really fast. To be exact, my computer does it at a rare of 1.6 gigahertz. That’s 1,600,000,000 calculations per second! I think if I were one of those calculations I’d feel pretty bad about myself because I really don’t matter, yet that one little calculation is what statistics is all about, but multiple times! Not only do I perform multiple back flips, each of which takes about 3 hours to accomplish, it’s only rewarded by one brick that supports the foundation of my ever-important grade. No, I’m not a grade freak I was being sarcastic. It’s like a wise man once said, “yes”, and he was right. Statistics is the most irrelevant form of “science” or “math” that can ever exist. There are lots of lists of everything, and each one has it’s own little context right? So why institute a major understanding of “statistics” when each list of data is completely unique? I think that if you’re bored enough to come up with a list of data, or if you actually have a purpose, you should come up with your own procedures to check if that data is good or not and like include it and what not in the report of whatever you’re doing. I don’t think I could ever sink to that level, to actually report about something I’m doing. What a waste of energy. I’d rather do, than do multiple times and calculate my efficiency. I mean, if it’s about manufacture or something like that I suppose it’ll be best to get the ground work and then as you go along improve it? It’s like, I don’t go out, ask 50 girls to go out with me, then average their good looks, personalities, and stuff, then plot them in a scatter plot, find the model that supports my hypothesis etc. Yes, that’s right, 5 hours of statistics homework will make you go crazy. Just a few completely random thoughts to dwell on and a dissonant note to end my little article here: Never do Statistics homework after reading One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. Idan Beck
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